A Kick in the Teeth

[beacon]

The night was quiet.

Too quiet.

Mack sat on a deserted park bench staring off into the distance, her eyes focused on nothing in particular. The park was dark as it seemed that the city was too cheap to light it. In fact, the only light that could be seen was from her own hands every now and then. Most would consider green hands to be a rather strange sight, but Mack had gotten used to them.

Muttering under her breath about some strange concoction of bananas and beef jerky that she had vowed to try, Mack stood up and began to walk aimlessly.

It was a night like any other; quiet, dark, and annoying boring.

That is, unless you included the strange fact that people seemed to be doing the most outlandish things.

The moment she exited the park she found herself face to face with a couple, a short woman and a rather chubby man, doing a crude immitation of some sort of choreographed dance. Thinking that it was some sort of hazing process, Mack merely passed by them and continued on her way.

That is, until she came face to face with a blonde man with his shirt pulled up over his head and his arms held up in the air.

"Are you threatenin' me?" he demanded.

Without hesitating, she nodded her head. Seeing as how the average and very uneventful night had scarred her for life, Mack merely drew back her fist and knocked Senor Cornholio flat on his butt.

Then, with her hands tucked in the pockets of her jeans, she started onward, whistling a tune under her breath.

That tune happened to be the Oscar Mayer theme song.

Unfortunately, or fortunately (if you're already bored), Mack found herself coming to an abrupt stop some moments later in front of a see-saw.

But it was already occupied.

[Shockwave]

"QUIET NIGHT IS QUIET!" A voice hollered among the silence, shattering and ripping its limbs off. A woman was seen in the distance, waving her arms around and nearly breaking into a dance she saw once in a movie she vaguely remembered. Gwen grinned widely, only showing her glimmering pearly whites through the dark.

Shockwave trotted herself through the park, obviously jogging, and garbed in a poorly made florescent green jumpsuit. Seeing the couple dancing, Gwen decided to join them for a moment-- but only a moment. She was trying to break her record of how long she could jog. Her orange sweatbands also absorbed as much light as the night could project. One would think she was a traffic light. An orange, portable, always-on traffic light.

Gwen heard crunches coming from the bottom of her white tennis shoes. She gazed down and saw she was on woodchips. Oh how Gwen disliked woodchips. They held every child from jumping off the swing at recess. Suddenly, Gwen looked up and flipped right over the see-saw that was being eagerly rocked back in forth by easily amused children. Her face completely ate woodchips. And it was gross.

"Heyar!" She called out to the woman standing before her, watching the see-saw intently. Gwen spit out the chips accidentally on her as she spoke.

[beacon]

Grinning ear to ear, Mack hopped onto the see-saw and let the strange, gnome-like children rock her back and forth. The woman across from her put off quite a bit of light, which was handy considering the city was too cheap to light the park properly.

Yet, her eyes were drawn to the children that were rocking the see-saw excitedly, and she could not help but stare.

"You are Ewoks," she declared quietly as she narrowed her eyes in concentration.

Sure, these kids were less hairy and obviously did not smell like Chewwy's butt crack, but they were still mighty strange. Mighty strange indeed.

"Yo person across from me," she finally remembered to greet the woman with a crooked grin; crooked because she suddenly fell off of the see-saw and was promptly attacked by the scary creatures that one might call children.

"Aghast, you scurvy freaks!" she giggled as one tickled her with a mysteriously appeared flip flop. After all, who knew that they could be tickle-worthy. "Evil Ewoks, begone!"

Forcing them away, she sat up and glared at the group of strange children, only just noticing that a few were still rocking the see-saw.

"My friend," she directed her attention to the woman still on the see-saw, "They wish to trade our socks for the see-saw."

Did she speak the strange languange of children/Ewoks?

Once...

Once in a time far, far from now.

[Shockwave]

This was getting ridiculous. Gwen's teeth had splinters, and the woman in front of her was speaking to the Ewoks. Yet, they tickled her with a flip flop that appeared to be yellow, but one was never sure what color things were on this planet. When she was called by the woman, she sat up quickly to attention, opened her mouth wide and attempted to pull out three large splinters from her gums. She was unsuccessful.

"Our socks??" Gwen said once, sounding very shocked. "Our socks?!" She asked again, veiling her voice in anger. "Our SOCKS!!" The poor woman cried into her palms as she held up a rake she had carried in her pocket. "The only thing I have is this rake!" Gwen let out a very, very large sigh and threw the rake in a random direction, meant to emphasize her distraught. Unfortunately, the rake ended up hitting one of the children, causing the other to turn his head all the way around. All the way. Completely around. Gwen flinched in fright.

"I doth have no socks of which you folk speak of!" Shockwave cried again, turning to hide behind the woman. The splinter in Gwen's mouth snagged on her bright orange sweatband. She began to cry loudly as the boy continued to stare.

[beacon]

Thankfully, the woman seemed to agree with Mackenzie's inner monologuer, who just happened to sound a lot like Christopher Walken. The strange, kind of jumpy, voice kept urging her to dismantle the evil children before they could gnaw at her ankles.

Ehhh, she's smart. Stick wit' her, she urged herself before nodding in agreement.

Climbing to her feet, she placed her hands on her hips and glared down at the semi-possessed Ewoks/children. "You shalt not get my socks, you evil fiends!" As if on cue, one of the furry little atrocities picked up a stick and began to wave it around menacingly. Narrowing her eyes in concentration, she watched as the little bugger prodded the fallen child that seemed to be clutching a rake. "What if they're cannibals?" she whispered to the woman, her stomach clencing in uncomfortable knots.

Thankfully, before she was forced to bear witness to such a sight, the recently ressurected (by JK Rowling, of course!) Senor Cornholio ambled over and grabbed the stick from the evil urchin of a child. With slightly shaking hands, the blonde punk broke the stick between his butt cheeks before releasing a gaseous fart that sent the children flying some twenty feet away.

Smiling in thanks, Mackenzie picked up a random bottle of water and sprinkled it on the fallen Ewok/child/urchin/monkey. Unfortunately, it was holy water.

The strange creeper immediately began to screech and melt.

"My socks," she glared.